MEME | rate that a................ bility to stay alive?

[aprescoup]

for a good survival time, call...
A PG-13 MEME NEAR YOU

1. leave a top-level comment with your character's name for glorious shaming
2. tag around with your characters' impressions of their fellow hooligans comrades, rating their prowess on a 1-5 worst-to-best scale, on the following items.
3. Add or subtract as many ★ or ★ as needed to make a final rating!


<big><font face="Georgia"><i>bravery</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>quippy wit</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>honour</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>odds of surviving a pack of thugs</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>odds of leading said pack of thugs</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>odds of being gently but firmly rejected if applying to join a pack of thugs</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>likelihood of awkwardly, accidentally or stupidly betraying the party</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>is this person going to survive the dead?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>would this person be better off dead?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>would you trust this person with your safety?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>is this person why we're going to fail the mission, whatever the mission?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>likelihood to yeet themselves off a cliff</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>odds that this person will one day snap and kill us all</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>would you want this person to have your back in a dramatic stand-off?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>is this person why we're always out of money?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>does this person even know what money is?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ <i>would this person suit as your choice of a virgin sacrifice?</i> <font color="orange">★★★</font>★★ </font></big>

Comments

[descendency]

bravery
★★★★★
since this is bravery and not unwarranted intensity or aggression, just sort of average.

quippy wit
★★★★★
you have to speak to have wit wangji.

honour
★★★★★
a disgusting excess of morals and righteousness. it's actively getting in mingyu's way, put some back.

odds of surviving a pack of thugs
★★★★★
lan wangji definitely has a 'last man standing' sort of vibe.

odds of leading said pack of thugs
★★★★★
wangji feels severely allergic to leadership but could probably manage something.

odds of being gently but firmly rejected if applying to join a pack of thugs
★★★★★
they would be SO gentle for fear of being dismembered.

likelihood of awkwardly, accidentally or stupidly betraying the party
★★★★★
likelihood of betrayal is up in the air. it will certainly be awkwardly, however, and if wei wuxian is involved the stupidity will probably transfer.

is this person going to survive the dead?
★★★★★
last man standing vibes strike again.

would this person be better off dead?
★★★★★
might be the only way to get him to unclench

would you trust this person with your safety?
★★★★★
mingyu doesn't really trust anyone and doesn't think wangji likes or cares about his well-being so shrug emoji

is this person why we're going to fail the mission, whatever the mission?
★★★★★
yeah mingyu's leaving the jury squarely out on this one because he can't figure out if this man is coming or going half the time and suspects wangji doesn't know either.

likelihood to yeet themselves off a cliff
★★★★★
like not to his death, probably to do something stupid and heroic. at all times, mingyu expects wangji to do the most extra thing possible.

odds that this person will one day snap and kill us all
★★★★★
god absolutely. the man is barely holding it together. he is a tightly wound guqin string. he is repressed and has whatever the opposite of an outlet is.

would you want this person to have your back in a dramatic stand-off?
★★★★★
oh absolutely. if nothing else, in absence of all other positive traits, lan wangji is brutally effective in a fight and has immaculate style. if mingyu's going down, he wants to go down looking approximately half that good.

is this person why we're always out of money?
★★★★★
has his own sugar daddy but wei wuxian is not as competent of one as xunxian. mingyu has a sugar daddy rank list.

does this person even know what money is?
★★★★★
all these ancient chinese 1%s mingyu can't stand any of you.

would this person suit as your choice of a virgin sacrifice?
★★★★★
most likely a virgin and similarly gorgeous trussed up to a slab of stone. signed and signed.

[downswing]

Please

please


please share Mingyu's sugar daddy rankings


please, I've been so good

i did this instead of tags i hope ur happy

[descendency]

Sugar Daddies

Bai Mingyu
Sugar daddy: Magnus (NPC customs official)
People he calls daddy who provide him little to no sugar: Lan Wangji, the Merchant
Sugar babies: Lee Chang, Fox, Archeval, Xiao Xingchen
Sugar co-parent: Five
★★★★★
The original sugar daddy. The sugar daddy with his own sugar daddy. A sugar daddy mlm, if you will. Multi-level marketing men loving men. Most notably the only sugar daddy getting any sugar from his babies. He is not getting sugar from all of them, but that's still a solid half. What is wrong with the rest of you, honestly.

Five
Sugar daddy: Reginald, the Commission
Sugar baby: Vanya, kind of
★★★★★
A ruthlessly competent earner looking out for his extremely dangerous yet startlingly helpless sister. There is no sugar involved here which is fine because they're siblings, not that that's held Luther and Allison back at all huh. Gets two stars for being so unstable he's probably going to snap and kill everyone any day now.

Su Xunxian
Sugar daddy: None known
Sugar baby: Beitang Moran
★★★★★
A hard working sugar daddy. Devoted to his baby. Docked points for getting no sugar from Moran and being absolutely whipped to boot.

Wei Wuxian
Sugar daddy: Wen Qing, I'm just presuming here
Sugar baby: Lan Wangji
Actual baby: Lan Sizhui
★★★★★
Chaotic and gay. Not always a reliable earner due to chaotic gay nature. Is infamously poor, so he's really just doing the best he can now that his rich bitch soulmate is cut off from his ancient Chinese trust fund. Also not getting any sugar, and may be in fact getting the spiritual opposite of sugar. Which is ALL THAT FUCKING SALT WANGJI IS MADE OF.

Wen Qing
Sugar daddy: No one has ever treated this girl right in her entire goddamned life but if Jiang Cheng ever gets his life together (he won't), maybe he can try.
Sugar babies: Wei Wuxian, people who are little brother coded, ideally a roving gang of lesbians
Actual baby: Lan Sizhui
★★★★★
She gets four stars for being flawless and beyond reproach. Has Mingyu ever interacted with her? No. But if he has gazed upon her visage, that is enough. She is also, as far as we are aware, bereft of sugar.

Sugar Babies

Fox
Sugar daddy: Bai Mingyu
Sugar babies: None, he is the babiest
★★★★★
Do you think Mingyu would ever give Fox less than five stars? Do you?? He's perfect. He's never done anything wrong in his life. He is also absolutely putting out for Mingyu in exchange for being kept in a lifestyle in which he is accustomed, which ticks all the boxes here so how wrong is Mingyu's ranking really.

Lee Chang
Sugar daddy: Bai Mingyu
Sugar babies: N..one? Are we counting the bodyguard since half the sugar babies on this list are simply people receiving monetary compensation for essentially existing in their sugar daddy's direction?
★★★★★
Where Lee Chang might lose points for not being literally the love of Mingyu's life, he gets extras for doing some sexual heavy lifting which we're sure everyone reading this needed to know about. Lee Chang uniquely does what a traditional sugar baby should, and that is letting his sugar daddy take out particular frustrations on him in exchange for all that sweet, sweet coin.

Archeval
Sugar daddy: Bai Mingyu
Sugar babies: None known
★★★★★
No sugar from Archeval, but we get plenty of sass which is almost just as good. Like going to a tsundere cafe. He gets above average stars because he actually makes an effort to provide for himself while he's busily not putting out.

Xiao Xingchen
Sugar daddy: Bai Mingyu
Sugar babies: None known
★★★★★
God help him, he's stupid, more helpless than he realizes, and saccharine sweet. Like a toddler running with scissors. A danger, but mostly to himself. Every time he gets prickly about being able to take care of himself, it takes three years off Mingyu's life. But he's really cute while he's doing it, so three stars.

Vanya Hargreeves
Sugar daddy: Five
Sugar babies: None known
★★★★★
Just a simple weapon of mass destruction caught up once again in her siblings' bullshit. Well, this time just the one sibling. Five is doing his best for her, and she seems capable enough especially on the farm but has been sugar baby-coded by her brother. Just sit back and let yourself be taken care of, Vanya. Mostly because we're worried about the collateral damage if you get stressed out.

Beitang Moran
Sugar daddy: Su Xunxian
Sugar babies: None known
★★★★★
Clueless and entitled. Takes his sugar daddy largely for granted, at least in so far as the having Xunxian settle all his bills go. We hear there have been improvements on the emotions front, possibly having to do with someone dropping dead? Which, hm. That's none of our business, but y'all have problems. Anyway, Moran has no passing understanding of basic commerce and how the other 99% live, which Xunxian cheerfully enables so it's not entirely his fault but. Get help, both of you. And get married. Before the next thing Mingyu asks of the magic plot fairy is a shotgun.

Lan Wangji
Sugar daddy: Wei Wuxian
Sugar babies: None known
Actual baby: Lan Sizhui
★★★★★
God just the worst. Emotionally constipated. Spoiled on nice things and getting his way. Does not understand the function of money or, in all likelihood, the general concept of economics. Clearly not being given the kind of allowance he is accustomed to and making it absolutely everyone's problem.

Winnifred Prismall
Sugar daddy: Any sucker she can find
Sugar babies: Do not sugar parent your weird mirror thing or so help us Winnifred
★★★★★
A terrible sugar baby, the absolute worst, Mingyu would not be her sugar daddy if his own life depended on it. But he has to respect the hustle. He find her efforts remarkable and also hilarious from a distance. Keep it up, princess. And cut him in, he's here if you want to run a two man con again.

Xie Lian
Sugar daddy: This entire goddamned party
Sugar babies: The city of Sa-Hareth's coffers from all these GODDAMNED FINES
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
We hate this guy. We take it back, he is the actual worst. (You get a pass this time but you're still on thin ice, Lan Wangji.) He's an active liability. He is hemorrhaging group funds. Mingyu had to suck dick for those funds. He shows no signs of slowing down or stopping and Mingyu tries to actively ignore his existence because it gives him an immediate tension headache. Xie Lian, we are begging you to be less /gestures to all of you.

[downswing]

I'm dying, I love you, I'm saving and framing this. It's beautiful. You're beautiful.

[downswing]

Fuck, we're unworthy.

[downswing]

I mean, obviously, keep fucking, because get yourself that diabetes, Mingyu, but my single tears are having their flood season. It's getting London in my eye ducts.